Thursday 1 June 2017

Arts Extravaganza

Farthing Hall’s Arts Extravaganza is under threat of infiltration by crocheted paper handkerchief box covers of insipid hues. Such blandness wreaks of charity shop status. Indeed, so does the telltale odour.

I might well have anticipated such influx. For recently, whilst ordering a tin of ointment for The Master’s furuncle which has yet again surrendered to unregulated distension, my attention in the pharmacy was diverted by nearby mention of yarn remnants. I glanced around to witness a couple of helpers from the Tea for the Retired Afternoon Club who were rather too loudly vocalising their views. If only they embraced their washing up duties with such verve. The topic of their excitement soon became apparent: Caring for The County’s Women of Disrepute outlet’s box of random skeins. Leftovers from indeterminate origins, I would say. The wool, if not those females whose morals have long since deserted them.

            It seems a number of other villagers have also been making similar purchases. Their resultant lilac, pastel pink and sky blue offerings are now littering my orangery. How they clash with the Italian marble décor! I cannot imagine anyone yearning to purchase these items. Yet nevertheless I am honour bound to coordinate a display. A discreet position will be found where they will not distract those attendees - and there will be a profusion - expecting quality works of art created by professional exhibitors.

            To this end, I have been in touch with creative groups throughout the county. Doubtless they are all eager to be included in my exposition. The inspiration first presented itself during one of our weekly Arts for the Gifted masterclasses, an initiative I established after experiencing undue frustration on a previous course which, had I realised it came under the jurisdiction of the Local Authority, would have been disinclined to attend.  However, at the aforementioned masterclass, over a cup of Earl Grey with an accompanying Rich Tea biscuit during a break in finalising my latest landscape, the Arts Extravaganza notion presented itself.

            I delayed not in undertaking the organisation. A number of colleagues of similar artistic enthusiasm – though inferior execution - were recruited.

            I, of course, have undertaken the bulk of the work. Catering and decor, sherry and canapés fall within my jurisdiction. Artists and their agents similarly liaise directly with me. That my pre dinner drinks were last night disturbed by a query over easel positioning matters not. A little persuasion to call at a more reasonable time - avoiding morning coffee, luncheon and afternoon tea – will surely be met with consideration. That is, if they wish to remain part of this most prestigious event.