Much as I yearn for an era
when children associated Easter with spiritual matters rather than culinary
intake, I have decided to impart a measure of cheer to local, less privileged offspring.
I believe there are quite a number. No doubt the limited incomes of their
parents regularly stretch to procuring copious quantities of tobacco and
alcohol, of course, but then not everyone’s priorities are correctly aligned. Perhaps
the Chancellor’s recent budgetary announcements may in some way positively
influence the moral outlook of those parents who doubtless took on the role
with little forethought and even less planning.
To this end I have advised the Vicar to include a modicum
of financial guidance in his Easter Sunday address. Such revelations might even
be transferred to printed pamphlets and popped through the letterboxes of those
properties displaying nicotine stained net curtains. Outreach at its basic level, I believe. The Reverend
assures me he is considering my proposal.
But to return to my hitherto mentioned project. I have
already summoned a number of retailers to Farthing Hall where, to my delight, they
assented to donate chocolate eggs. True, I was dissuaded from my initial
suggestion of distribution via means testing. Yet how I would have found the
time to undertake this task I cannot imagine what with my preoccupation collaborating
with a courier company. I trust the chosen driver is now en route to the south coast where a shipment of Swiss chocolates is
awaiting delivery to The Hall.
In addition I rang the Headmistress of the village school
this morning and suggested that, as part of their Domestic Science syllabus,
children make and decorate their own chocolate eggs then arrange them in hand
woven baskets. This turned out to be a remarkably difficult conversation. To
have reached such a lofty position in charge of a school – albeit a State one -
without appreciating the negative impact of confrontation is incomprehensible.
I do hope she extends more politeness to her charges than she did to me.
And now to my other seasonal duties. I have instructed the
Housekeeper to acquire fragrant soaps and towels. It is all very well for the
elderly to turn up for their ritual Maundy Thursday foot cleansing, but the
Vicar cannot be expected to sully his hands on grubby callouses.
